* Hey, I got nothing for today.
* I’ve been buried for the last week working on a new candidate training/development/ support program similar to the “Emerge” program the Democrats have been successfully running against us for years.
* Hope to have it wrapped up by tomorrow. In the meantime, one of my subscribers sent a list of “punny” jokes that I thought I’d share to brighten up your day. Here ya go…
1. I once dated a girl who broke up with me because I only have 9 toes. Yes, she was lack toes intolerant.
2. Did you know ants never get sick? It's because they have anty bodies.
3. You can't blame anyone else if you fall in your driveway...it's your own asphalt.
4. I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
5. I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetables, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.
6. If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's humerus.
7. I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.
8. Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven?
9. Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing. They are called pinion feathers. A crow has 16. So, the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion.
10. I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up chameleon.
11. I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.
12. Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
13. The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.
14. Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court... it was a brief case.
15. How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.
16. My friend said she wouldn't eat cow's tongue because it came out of a cow's mouth. I gave her an egg.
17. Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King, but he made a great ruler.
18. Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceburg, and tomorrow romaines to be seen.
19. My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right...Jack and the beans talk.
20. I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. You probably have not heard of herbivore.
21. I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.
22. I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.
* Humor is STILL the best medicine.
Mr. Muth is president of Citizen Outreach, publisher of Nevada News & Views, and founder of CampaignDoctor.com. You can sign up for his conservative, Nevada-focused e-newsletter at MuthsTruths.com. His views are his own.